Mighty Oak Marriage: Part One

Combined with treats exchanged between our family and the large goodie bag my daughter brought home from school, our house is still over-flowing with hearts, candy and all things red and pink from Valentines Day.  With all the "love in the air," I couldn't help but think about one of the most romanticized scriptures in the bible, Ephesians 5:31. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." The idea that two souls come together to become one seems dreamy and picturesque. Many people think that once you marry your life becomes like a fairy tale.  Sorry to break the news to you, but a fairy tale it is not. A beautiful reflection of what God is, yes. We often forget that God's perfect picture of love involves sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears.

With that said, let's think of marriage like a nut planted in the soil. And yes, some days you may feel like a nut or you may think your spouse is a nut. You may even experience "nutty" times in your marriage.  But even through changing weather, with the right elements that small nut grows into a mighty oak tree.  So here are 4 concepts I think are key to growing your marriage into a solid and mighty oak. I will give the first two today and will finish with part two on the next post. 

 1. Honor Your Spouse With Your Lips
 While using your lips to give kisses freely to your husband is wonderful and encouraged  
I'm actually referring to a different type of lip service. Your words have the ability to speak life or death into the soul of your marriage (Proverbs 18:21). So let me explain. There is nothing worse than being in the break room at work or at a party and hear a woman talk about her husband like he is scum. It is wise to keep your dirty laundry in the laundry room of YOUR own house. Speaking ill about your spouse brings him dishonor and also reflects your state of being. If you read a little further in Ephesians 5:33 you will see where this is true. "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  Wives are called to honor their husbands. So the next time you need to vent, zip the lip on dishonor and speak of your husbands qualities that bring life into your marriage.( this is also true for husbands towards,their wives) Reserve the problem solving for you, hubby & God. 

2. No Secrets 
Communication is vital to a marriage. My hubby and I do a lot of talking and have vowed to keep a "no secret" rule in our house. It doesn't matter what it is. Secrets have the ability to destroy a marriage by causing division. When a house is divided it will not stand (Mark 3:25). The same way we don't allow our own secrets to divide us, we also don't let other people's secrets come between us. If anyone comes to me in confidence and says, "I have to tell you something, but don't tell your husband," my reply is the same. "I don't keep secrets from my husband so if I can't tell him, then don't tell me." We also have taught this to our daughter. We are a packaged deal. To take this a step further, if you are thinking of doing something you feel uncomfortable telling your spouse, then it is probably not a good or God idea. Two will never become one when there is division between them. 

I hope you have found part one of this post insightful. Stay tuned for the last two keys to a mighty oak marriage! 

Prune Yourself

I recently purchased a beautiful ivy plant for my front porch. Its home is a simple terra cotta pot outside my front door. My plan is to keep it contained and pruned. I learned my lesson on ivy many years ago when I was managing a preschool that had lots of the lush green stuff surrounding the building in the back yard.  Because it had never been pruned, the lovely vines had become overgrown and took over the landscape. At one point I noticed those persevering leaves grew right through the crevices of the back door and began showing itself inside. It was out of control! Like most plants proper pruning is necessary to help keep a plant from becoming overgrown, to stimulate new growth and promote flowering and the bearing of fruit. Just like that ivy plant,  we may have certain things we have allowed into our lives that have, "taken over," become out of control or have snuck up into the crevices of our homes without us even realizing it. If this is the case it may be time to prune or cut a few things back or even out of our lives. Anytime God calls us to prune back he is preparing us for new growth. John 15:1 says "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." While cutting something or someone from our lives seems painful it is the Gardner's job to prune us. It is our job to be like the vine and allow the Gardner to prune, shape and guide us into His masterful purpose so that we will be even more fruitful than before.  What has become so overgrown in your life that it has stunted Godly growth in you? What things need to be pruned or even cut out?  With God's help, I'm making my list right now :)

Happy "Renew" Year

Today marks the ending of one year and the beginning of a new one. Many people use this time to make New Years resolutions. I have to confess, I've never made them. I don't think anything is wrong with resolutions, I just don't necessarily make them on January 1st. Tonight I've decided as 2012 comes to an end I will celebrate 2013 as the "Renew Year."  It is a time to renew things to life; bring refreshment, vigor & restoration to life. Friends, It is a time to continue & extend ourselves in the things of God. It's a time for new ideas, miracles and God's love to refesh our hearts and minds. Romans 12:2 tells us "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Phillipians 4:8 gives us 8 clues to help us renew our minds. "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". To achieve the freshness of life and share it with others the adjectives below should describe the things that we do, say and think. 

1. True (real, genuine, faithful, actual)
2. Noble (grand, high-minded, excellence, above)
3. Right (morally just, favorable, fair)
4. Pure (clean, free of the unnecessary, virtuous)
5. Lovely (beautiful, charming, harmony, grace)
6. Admirable (deserving of respect, love, of merit)
7. Excellent (eminently good, heavenly,
8. Praiseworthy (commendable, exemplary, tough)

Remember,  a New Year is only a mark on the calendar, but a Renew Year can happen anyday of the year, one day at a time :) If you stumble you can always get up and keep renewing!

Show Up & Play

I love this time of the year! I love the decorations, the baking, the laughter, the gift-giving, spending time with family and friends, all done in honor of the birth of Jesus. To me it's one giant birthday celebration. Instead of the traditional "happy birthday," song we sing carols of His birth. One of my favorites is "The Little Drummer Boy." It's a simple yet powerful story of a young boy who hears that a King has been born and is told to go see the baby Jesus. He is ashamed because he is poor and thinks he doesn't have a gift fitting for a King. Instead of letting this great moment pass him by he humbly offers Jesus the only things he has... a song played on his drum. With a nod from the King's mother, encouragement from the animals and a smile from the King himself, he plays his drum. I admire this boy for his humble courage and willingness to give Jesus all that he had. This season I pray you won't let a God-given opportunity pass you by because of shame or the feeling that what you have is not good enough. You have talents inside of you designed to be shared with others. Sharing your gifts with others honors the King far greater than any expensive gift. You don't need to look any further than within yourself. Your gift is there. Waiting. For you to show up and play your best. The King is there. Waiting. To give you His smile of approval.

Dragon Breath

I'm usually the level-headed, rational person everyone comes to for advice or guidance. I'm rarely shaken and have a great capability to remain calm during chaos. Recently I was presented with two situations of conflict that involved my child. I discovered the rational woman that everyone knows can turn into a fire breathing dragon when it comes to my daughter. Instead of wise, well thought-out words, an emotion driven approach blazed from my mouth and probably singed an eyebrow... or two. While my true desire was to bring resolution to both conflicts my motherly instinct to protect my child took over my senses. It's not that what I said was so awful but my approach was nowhere near humble. I realized my subconscious felt if I didn't spit a bit of fire and draw my talons I was not protecting my child, therefore my parenting would be in question. In both situations the sparks that flew from my mouth were met with matching heat from the other parties. Not a good recipe for peace. My inner dragon prevented me from remaining humble and gentle. Bringing peace and unity to the situation, quickly became a harder task to achieve. I realized that when it comes to my daughter I can have a bit of "dragon breath." The next time the sleeping dragon is awoken by my motherly instinct I think I'm now better equipped to brush the flames from my mouth and take a more gentle approach. What awakens your inner dragon and how do you tame it? 

Stereo of Our Hearts

Have you ever started humming a tune which seemed to come out of nowhere? You don't remember when the last time you heard that song but now it's stuck in your head. This happens to me all the time. Thanks to my 4 year-old daughter instead of humming the hottest new track to hit the radio, I'm usually caught singing the theme song to a cartoon. Music has the ability to stimulate memory and alter your mood. Music is said to be the universal language, speaking to people and crossing cultural boundaries. It has the ability to bury its melody in our hearts and minds and come out when we least expect it. 

Lyrics to "Stereo Hearts," by Gym Class Heroes

I heard the song "Stereo Hearts" by Gym Class Heroes today and had a thought. What if we made God the stereo of our hearts? We could turn Him up when we feel low, hear His thoughts through every note and have His sweet melody on our minds and lips. Stereos create the feeling of being surrounded by a sound. Psalm 119:11 says "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." If we could instead allow God to surround us and embed His melodic word inside of our hearts we would see sound manifest into something tangible, leaving a trail of harmony in our lives. 

God's Campaign

I'm embarrassed to say that I'm not very intelligent when it comes to politics. For some reason political information may enter my brain but there is not much evidence of absorption. As I've gotten older and more mature I have realized the value in exercising my right to vote and have put forth an effort to make sense of the political world so that I can make educated choices. 

The 2012 presidential election was of particular interest to me because I have a 4 year-old daughter who is learning about current events at school and is aware of the choices mommy and daddy make. We took her to the polls so she could participate and of course earn the desired "I voted sticker." She even participated in a mock election at school which involved favorite ice cream flavors. For a 4 year-old child that can be a complex decision. According to my daughter, vanilla won the popular vote. Luckily her classroom voting system did not involve electoral votes otherwise there may have been some kiddos just as confused as I was watching (for the first time) the projections for each state on television. I thought that your vote counted individually and the person with the most votes wins. I realized that the presidency is won by electoral votes, not by popular votes. (I told you I'm slow on this subject). So the way it works is each state is worth a certain amount of electoral votes based on population. States such as California, Texas, New York and Florida have the most electoral votes compared to other states with smaller populations. A presidential candidate may have won in more states but it is the states with the larger number of electoral votes that weigh more. As a Christian our lives can mimic a presidential election. Living a life that is pleasing to God may not always be the popular choice. But like the voting system we have in America it is not the popular vote that holds the most weight. It is the quality of our choices that count more in God's political campaign than the popular ones. Whether you are choosing an ice cream flavor, the President of the United States or finding your way on your Christian journey, choose what weighs more in God's house. It's a lot bigger than the White House. Make your choices count today!